It's About Dedication

How many times as home schoolers have we seen people pointing at us and whispering? How often do people question why we would would ever want to be home all day with our children? How often do you feel like you have to defend every choice, every decision, you have made to homeschool?
As unschoolers, it seems we have even more people question us. They want to know how we can be sure that the kids are learning. They want to know how the kids can learn without textbooks and workbooks, without desks and classrooms. They want to know how we can possibly think we can replace teachers for our children. They tell us that we are doing something wrong, that we are weird, that we must be crazy for our choices.
Well, let me tell you...
Life learning, unschooling, is not about being crazy or weird, it is about dedication. It takes a dedicated parent to be willing to provide what their child(ren) need. You are dedicated to providing the best learning experience you can for your children. It is about being respectful, and understanding that even the youngest child is an actual person with real thoughts and desires and needs of their own. It is about love and faith, loving your children enough to put their needs ahead of your desires and faith that it will all work out great at the end.
When you stop defending and start allowing, it is amazing how much more happiness you find, how much more fun there is to be had!

Enjoy life.. Enjoy learning.. Enjoy Life Learning!

The Road is a River

Today has definitely been the most exciting day of our week of rain so far. It seems that the entire state had water falling from the sky over it today. That meant an exciting day of weather warnings.. flash flood warnings, blizzard warnings, tornado warnings.. wow!
I want to start by saying that I am so grateful that we were able to move out of our old rental.. not only did water leak in through every window, and run down the inside of the door, but it was at a low point in the block. We would have been flooded inside and out in this storm. Thank you to my love for making our move possible! The new rental is thankfully dry.. no leaks. The best part of today was realizing that we live on the high spot in the area. Even with the rain beating straight against the side of the house, and running down the window panes blurring the view outside, we stayed dry.

I sort of understood the boys wanting to get outside to run around a bit, and thought they would do so on the covered car port that serves as our back porch. Even pouring rain can't keep two active little boys sitting still for long!
I did not expect to hear them running up and over the front porch, and yet that is where they were shortly after going outside. I figured they would stay in the yard, and since we are in a high spot, I decided to let them enjoy themselves. I was quite grateful to not be the neighbors, whose yard and driveway was one huge lake of water with their house sticking out of it.

Next thing I know, Ber is looking out the window and asks if the boys are going to get the mail. She asked because she saw them were half way down the street.  Living out in the country does have some advantages. The boys wandering halfway down the block is just not something to worry about out here. We shrugged it off and let them continue playing. When I asked later, the J-man told me that they were trying to stop the water from going into the neighbor's yard. Incredibly sweet, but just NOT going to happen! That bush in the picture is on the other side of the street from us.. notice how the street has been replaced with a river. That is what happens during flash floods out here. Some times it is not the street that becomes a river, but a wash that crosses the street. If there is a flash flood warning, you NEVER want to drive across those washes.. you just might find yourself riding the wave in your car as  a wave of water comes and carries your car down stream.
For pictures of the boys when they came in from their second foray of the day into the wet wilderness, visit my Project 365 blog. I made them take the shortest route to the bathtub and get in to get out of their wet clothes. That first time out, they had chosen to wear their snow boots. They tell me that they dumped the water out of the boots on the porch before they came in. I can tell you that those boots currently weigh a ton.. it seems that the lining decided to pretend it was a sponge today and absorb as much water as possible. I really do wonder how long it will take for those boots to dry... For now they are residing in the bathtub.
As for the road.. we aren't going to be going anywhere for a couple more days as I don't have a boat. I hope to get pictures of our road turned river, but I'll wait until the rain stops. That just might be another two days though...

And The Day Goes On...

It had been one of those days that is full of mixed emotions, where things start to go one way, then plummet, before slowly starting the gradual ascent to happiness again. It was my youngest baby's seventh birthday. You would think that would be a happy occasion, but when siblings are involved that is not always true. My boys are only two and a half years apart, and it seems that birthdays are a trigger point of emotions. They are happy for each other on their birthdays, but at the same time jealous of the attention the other is getting on their special day.
For six years we celebrated birthdays and half birthdays alike.. so that the boys each had two joint parties in a year, one on their birthday and one on (or close to) their half birthday. This was the first time we didn't celebrate my older boy's half birthday.. and it was a disaster! It started out seemingly okay. The boys got their own breakfast, watched a movie together, and went outside to play together. It was somewhere about then that things started to decay. They started fighting.. not over anything is specific, but over anything and everything. Then they would start playing happily again. It was driving me nuts!
We finally managed to pull it together and get ready to go shopping and get Little A his birthday present. He asked for his first two wheel bicycle, and he had chosen which one he wanted from pictures online. As long as we were going over the mountain and into town, I put together the shopping list.
The rest of the evening went as expected.. tired kids, tired mom trying to get the shopping done. With that finally out of the way, we went to get my baby's new bike.. and found out it was $10 more in the store then it had been online.. figures. Well, I certainly wasn't going to be responsible for disappointing my baby. After all, I had told him that we were coming to this store that was a little farther away because they had the bicycle in stock. As we start walking to the front of the store, I reach for my camera to get photographs of Little A walking his first two wheel bike.. and realize it is in the car.. figures. I told the kids to take a break on one of the benches while I ran out to the car to get the camera.
You can see a few of the pics of the new bike and the trip over the mountain over at my new Project 365 blog at http://sparklechi365.blogspot.com/2010/01/day-four.html 
Getting the new bike into the car was more than a bit challenging.. remind me never to try that again! We finally ended up putting part of the back seat down, and making the boys squish together, to get the bicycle in.  I started to wonder if we would be able to get it back out again... The trip back home was long and dark, and the boys fell asleep.
I was so proud of my boys when we got home. They woke up and started carrying things in from the car.. wow, when did that happen? I go to open up the back hatch of the car to get the rest of the groceries, and.. it won't open. Yup, you read that right. The back hatch wouldn't open. The brand new birthday bike was stuck in the car.. figures.
Yet, the day goes on...

Rain, Rain...

It may not be big news for anyone else, but it is a definite landmark in our house. So far, my boys have never wanted to take a shower. It was scary.. that water coming down on your head from above, and no where to run to get out of it. I told them to think of it like rain you could get clean in, but they were still leery. After all, when you are outside in the rain there is plenty of room to run around and splash, and nobody tells you to be careful because it is slippery. Plus, you can always duck under cover if the downpour gets to be too much.

Given those reasons, I could not find a reason to compel my boys to take showers until they were ready. How many times do we compel our children to do things out of our own selfishness? How often is the only reason for them to do something only because it is more convenient for us. I always try to find valid reasons if I feel the need to compel them to do things, and if I can't, then I stop trying to compel them. It is always best if they come to it in their own way, and in their own time.

The time for showers has finally come to our house. I just installed the new shower head into the little shower unit in their bathroom, which made it a much less scary proposition. The old shower head was one of those hand held models that had hose taking up the entire shower stall, and had a tendency to fall out of its' holder when it was bumped. With the new shower head in place, and me raving about what a fantastic shower I had earlier, they decided it might be okay to try it out. Being just a shower stall, how far could they slip, and with the spray adjusted to the right place they found out they could back out of the water so that it would not hit their face.

When J-man came out of the shower raving about how fantastic it was, Little A had to get in on the action. The J-man was thrilled with the way the shower massaged his back and got all of his hair wet. With his duck back hair, that has always been a problem for him. Turns out that Little A had just as much fun in the shower as he does in the bathtub. He was in there splashing, giggling, and singing up a storm..

I'm thinking the bathtub might start feeling lonely now.. ah well, after I install the new shower rod, and hang the shower curtain, I'm sure plenty of showers will be taken there too.

Respect and Love

"Parenting is not about controlling our children through consequences and directives. These are fear-based parenting techniques that teach our children to be reactive out of fear. Parenting is about influencing our children through love and understanding. This teaches our children to respond out of love. Thus, true control comes through loving influence." - Heather T. Forbes

How many of us truly understand this? We are so used to seeing the fear based model. We probably even grew up in the fear based model. We all know that adults are more important then kids, that kids should "do as I say, not as I do." I wonder how much of teenage rebellion is actually driven by the use of fear based parenting techniques. Just think, a child who is almost old enough to be an adult, to make their own decisions, still being controlled by an outdated set of fear based rules. We would never think to use those rules on an adult, and yet we use them on teenagers.. what age is the age when we should stop using fear based parenting techniques and start treating them as an adult? Where do you draw that fine line?

The answer is obvious.. we should learn to treat children with as much respect as we do our neighbor, our boss, our parents... When we can learn to respect children as the people they already are, then we can start to teach them the things that we want them to know. When we learn to respect children as the people that they already are, then we can start to support them to follow their dreams and become the successful people we want them to be. When we learn to treat our children with respect for the people they already are, then we can look forward to a world of peace, that reaches out it's loving hands to help, instead of bullying.

What kind of a world are you raising your child(ren) to create. Instead of asking what legacy you are leaving them, today ask what world you are creating by the way you treat the children around you.

Want to learn more? Try Dare to Love: The Art of Merging Science and Love Into Parenting Children with Difficult Behaviors -By Heather T. Forbes, or one of my all time favorites, Raising Your Spirited Child: A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, Energetic -By Mary Sheedy Kurcinka

Why We React That Way

"Emotional reactivity only comes from our own unfinished business." - Heather T. Forbes


So many things upset us only because we see the faults/unresolved issues in ourselves. I personally try to thank every person that brings those things up in me.. I think it makes me a better person to see those thing in myself because then I can work on resolving these issues. It is a gift to me to have someone bring these unresolved issues to the surface. There are times when I wonder if I would have found the issue if it was not for the people in my life bringing them up for me.


Next time you start getting worked up about something that someone has done, stop and look at yourself. Take a deep breath and let it out; take a good hard look at yourself, especially when it is your toddler, your teenager, your child.. 

Making the Unpacking Worth It...

I am starting to see the benefits of our moving. The boys are starting to settle down and not be afraid to go outside now. They have spent several days in a row playing outside for a good part of the daylight hours, and a few of the evening darkness hours running around the house with not even the porch lights on. I was thrilled, albeit surprised, to see them running around the house in the dark.

I was even able to leave the kids alone at home while running a couple of errands one day. I was only gone for an hour, but the aura of the other house was such that the boys would not even go to the far end of the house by themselves!

Even better, my daughter and I actually got to run an errand together a different day, and leave the boys home together. As we pulled up the driveway, the boys came running outside. Little A came up to the car as it stopped and said, "Mom, we finished the dishes!" From the J-man I hear, "Hey, let's unload the car." By the time Ber got out of the car and came around the back to help, the boys were picking up the last bag and walking towards the house. As they head in the door Little A yells back, "Hey Mom, after we carry these in, can we come back out and play?" Later that night they did another load of dishes too... I knew it was in there somewhere..all that respect and thoughtfulness I have tried to teach them.

It's nice to see signs of it coming out again.. now to finish unpacking the boxes...

Impetuous Fire Forged Anew

A work in progress..
I'm not sure that it feels quite done, but it seems to have stopped speaking to me.
Feel free to share your thoughts or suggestions... Or just go try writing some poetry of your own..

Impetuous Fire Forged Anew

Impetuous fire burns fast and bright,

but soon loses it flaming light.

Singeing and scorching are its' cruel ways,

never seeing what it leaves in dismay.

With soft words of love patiently whispered,

something lasting and true will be tempered.

As the fire burns down, it becomes something new,

like the slow burning ember, that is me and you.

Searching for Dreams

We all have dreams.. thoughts of how we want things to be.. the way we picture our life... Living life can often change what our dreams look like, but sometimes we get stuck in a dream and have a hard time seeing past it. Sometimes we get stuck searching for the perfection of our dream, and don't see what is right in front of us.

Sometimes our dreams come to us in forms we didn't expect.. forms we don't recognize. They don't all arrive wrapped in neat packages, tied up with pretty red bows. Sometimes they are messy, sometimes they have pieces sticking out, sometimes they have more parts than we expected.
That doesn't make them any less valid, or any less what we wanted. If we look at it with an open heart, perhaps we will find that those extra pieces, or that messiness is actually something we didn't realize we wanted.

Perhaps we will discover that not only is it more than what we imagined, but it is better than what we imagined.

If you spend your entire life searching for perfection, you may find out at the end of it that you missed the best part, the messy part, along the way. Searching for perfection is like living with blinders on, or locking yourself away in an ivory tower.

Life is about the journey.. enjoy every day, neat or messy. Spend your life living your dreams, in whatever form they are delivered to you in.

Persistence and Perseverance

Persistence and perseverance are the words I have chosen for 2010. I think they are traits that I need to remember and strengthen this year. I think persistence and perseverance are like the blood of life. We need them to have a strong life, they need to flow through our lives like blood flows through our veins.

Hold tight to your dreams, don't give anyone the power to take them away from you. Keep them secret from those who would put them down, and share them with those that will share your happiness with them. When you do achieve or find them, don't let them go. Anything worth having requires work. Even the the most perfect dream requires work.

Focus on what you enjoy about your dream, even when you have it, and keep it alive and strong.

The Chicago Adventure.. Airport Tales - Security

There is one in every crowd.
The one person who goes through the scanner and sets it off.
This time it was the J-man.. oops, forgot to empty the pockets. He collects things off the ground, and they become treasures, and his pockets are always full of them. He was cool about it, and simply emptied his pockets into the bowl to send through the scanning machine.
As we were collecting our stuff, and repacking it, security steps over to us and asks us to step aside so they could ask us a few questions. Okay, now I am really curious what we could possibly have that would flag security. Well we finally get all of our stuff, and get over to the side with the security officer, and he shows us the bowl of stuff from Jimmy's pockets and asks whose it is. Everybody answers, “J-man's!” at the same time. The security officer confirms with J-man that it is his, and then explained to us what is wrong.
“Do you know what this is?” The security officer holds up a small orange piece of plastic with a circle of metal at one end. We all shrug, and must have had dumbfounded looks on our faces by his reaction. “This is a shotgun shell.” And so it was.. a spent shotgun shell that Jimmy had picked up from some neighbor's yard. (I'm thinking I really need to know more about our neighbors!)
As we are all gasping in astonishment, the security guard says, “So, what are we going to do about this?” Ummm.. gosh what are my options.. can I rewind time and check his pockets before we leave home? Can we just pretend it never happened? Can you just ignore it because it was an innocent error, and let us go on?
Turned out that the security guy was trying to make an impression on J-man, and had already decided that he would simply confiscate the shotgun shell and throw it out.. and J-man with an admonishment to listen to his mother, and tell me what he had picked up so I could decide if it was safe or not. Sheeeeeew.. quick, painless, but I think that J-man got the point.
Me?... I learned that I should find out what is in Jimmy's pockets before we get to someplace with a security checkpoint!

The Chicago Adventure.. Airport Tales Continue

We got to the check in point and a wonderful employee asks if he can help us get checked in. I hand him our freshly printed out itinerary and he starts helping us on the self check in computer. As he cruises through the button pushing, he calmly says, “You know you can't make this flight.” It took a minute for that statement to actually sink in.. you can't make your flight.. umm.. 

WHAT?! OMG!

Now what? 

What am I going to do?

He continues on, “You have just enough time to make the next flight.” That left me wondering how much more that was going to cost me.. but I was afraid to find out. Well, he rushes through the rest of the button pushing to get us checked in, and tells us they will call our name to check in the luggage. He says something about us being on standby for the next flight, and says he'll check the flight's availability for us. Then he sends us on our way to get to the gate and wait...

Everyone was wonderful getting the bags checked in. They helped us get the luggage tags on the suitcases, and were friendly and patient. With just the carry on luggage, we were a bit happier, and we still had the luggage cart, so getting up to security was much faster.

It has been quite a while since I have been on an airplane, and it was the first trip for the kids. So much has changed about flying in the last several years. I felt like we had to practically unpack in order to get through security. We had to take off our jackets, take off our shoes, and take electronics out of our carry ons to go through the scanning machine separately. Managing three kids and four bags by myself was a challenge I was not prepared for.. next time I am going to rethink the packing, and do it much differently!

The Chicago Adventure.. Airport Tales

We made it to the airport with just under an hour until our flight. We decided to use the Law of Attraction to make the rest of trip go smoothly. We decided that when we got to the parking lot, we were going to find a parking spot easily not to far from a shuttle stop, and the shuttle would pull up just after we got there “as if it was waiting for us”.. and wouldn't you know that we got exactly that.
As we got out of the car, the shuttle pulled up, and waited for us to get there. The shuttle driver was a wonderfully friendly man who loaded our bags, and talked with the kids, and new exactly how to get to our airline check in counter.

There is something to be said for scarcity in packing when you are flying.. we had 4 suitcases, 4 carry-ons, and 4 personal bags. And EVERYTHING was HEAVY. Of course, the wonderful set of suitcases I had found at the thrift store DID have wheels on the bottom, but not an extendable handle or leash, and the wheels were the smaller kind that just don't roll very well.

When we got off the shuttle we realized that the drop off point was on the far side of the airport, and we had to carry the luggage across the arrivals, baggage claim, and our airline was at the far end of the check ins. Yikes.. so $4.00 to rent a luggage cart really isn't expensive when you put it into perspective!

The Chicago Adventure... Road Trip!

The road trip to the airport started out wonderfully. We may have gotten a late start, but traffic was good, and the road was clear and we were making great time.. and then we hit it.. fog.. in the desert. Yeah, you read that right, we drove into fog. The fog was so thick that you could not see anything, including tail lights, until you were within in 20 feet of them. Not something you experience in the desert all that often! I do have to say that we were coming up on the Hoover Dam, so the extra moisture may have come from the Colorado river and the dammed up lakes in the area.
It was the most incredible experience for the kids.. the fog literally formed a wall across the land, and road. It was like driving into a different universe for them. Of course most of the small bit of traffic at that point slowed down.. so much for making great time. We went through three banks of fog before getting to the dam. Each one was gorgeous, and we wished that the cameras were not packed in the luggage. The way that the fog stretched across the land, and started so abruptly was amazing to see.
Once through the fog, and then the slow pace of driving across the Hoover Dam, we had a smooth and uneventful trip the rest of the way to the airport.