25 May 2011

Chain Reaction: Memories Uncovered

More of a follow up from the other day... One of the things that I have found the most interesting about remembering the things I forgot is that I keep remembering even more things that I forgot.

The latest one was a doozey that I didn't even realize was an issue. It was simply a set of words that came to mind when talking with a friend on the phone. I wrote them down, intending to get to them when I hung up. I didn't get to them until the next day.

When I picked the paper up, I read the words and felt no emotion on them what so ever. I decided to tap on them anyways. They seemed like they would cause a very limiting belief is they were to be believed. I did a couple of rounds of tapping using Dr. Pat Carrington's opera technique that I read about in her last newsletter. It was fun to share the technique with my daughter over a cup of coffee sitting on the front steps in the sunlight one morning.

As with so many things, it is the memories that are the best hidden that really are the most painful. All of a sudden, I was overwhelmed by the strength of the emotions I was feeling.. we are talking an 18 on a 1-10 scale. I kept tapping and saying whatever came to mind. It was a really powerful experience. As I kept tapping, I saw that it was a generational pattern, and had images of other times when the same message was impressed upon my family line.

I must have been tapping and talking, crying and rocking for an hour. I kept tapping until I felt strong enough to stop, and too tired to carry on. That tapping session was incredible. The emotional strength was down to a 6 or 7. I have made a commitment to myself to continue working on this issue, but the difference is absolutely amazing.

It has actually taken me two days to recover from the physical effort of the session.. something about dynamic tension and physically reliving all those memories I worked through. When I looked in the mirror last night, the thought came to me that I was looking at a different person. I saw myself, but I wasn't the same. I took a closer look and realized that my eyes were changing color. While that is not all that unusual for someone with hazel eyes, the unusual part is that there was a new color that I have never seen in my eyes before.

Point is.. healing isn't always as simple as it looks from the outside. And pain isn't the only emotional response to being hurt. This is my internal journey, but I share it in the hopes that my words give someone else the strength to heal and the hope needed to change their situation to a better one.

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