Thoughts On Letting Go of My Grandmother

I have taken to posting at various places online, but I always like to share them with my faithful blog readers.. This was something I wrote as a response to the wonderful welcoming community I have found at RedGage...


A family member's last days may seem to be a private thing, but the subject of such is something that we all have to go through at some point in our lives. Being across the country from her for the last 8 years, has meant that I have not seen her as much. Living with an emotionally abusive ex-husband means that I did not talk to her as much. And I was surprised as I came out of my own drama, to find that she had gotten old.

I don't mean in age.. My children and I were blessed with the gift of a trip to see my family in IL for the Christmas of 2009. The sight of my grandmother, frail and bent over, took me aback. The muscles in her face showed signs of damage, and her smile was not quite the same. Her intelligence was there though. We had a fabulous visit. 

That is who my grandmother is to me. 

Read the rest at http://www.redgage.com/blogs/SparkleChi/thoughts-on-letting-go-of-my-grandmother.html

Me, Grandmom, and Ber

Hands On Science - A Moth's Habitat

In today's learning journey, my boys caught a little brown moth. It was really a bit of a rescue. This little moth had somehow made it into our house, and was fluttering around the walls and the ceiling quite enticingly.. or so the cats seemed to think. This was when we were still providing temporary housing for kitties needing new homes. As this little moth seemed to be garnering more and more attention as the day drew on, we thought that a rescue might be in order. We were not prepared to think of the little brown moth as being someone's dinner.

We got a mason jar out of the cabinet to secure our little friend in. We decided to put a solid lid on the jar, as we had every intention of releasing it outside after getting a close up look at it. Next, it was time to catch this little moth. Knowing that moths are nocturnal, the boys simply snuck up on the sleeping moth and covered it with the glass jar. Slide a piece of paper board between the wall and the little moth legs, and the moth wakes up in the jar. We quickly put the lid on the jar. 

We set the jar on the coffee table to watch the moth. The boys noticed how agitated it was. That brown moth was flying into the different parts of the jar repeatedly, obviously upset and confused. "What does the little moth need?" I asked the boys for ideas. My youngest said, "Something to eat!" His brother chimed in, "Something to drink." I looked at them and asked if they noticed how scared the little moth looked. I asked them to think about how they would feel. What would they want to be able to do? They both chimed in at the same time, "HIDE!"

They discussed what they could give the moth to hide in. Usually when we catch insects like this, we gather material from where it was found. We bring in leaves and sticks from the tree we found it on.. we get a small chunk of the rotting wood for it to stay on... This time though, we had found it on our ceiling! We certainly could not take part of our ceiling and put it in the jar! My youngest decided that if he were a moth, he would very much like to have the bright red and orange flowers from the bush outside. I urged him to add some leafy branches too.

Once these were added to our mason jar, the little brown moth settled down and crawled among the leaves. The boys were very pleased. We spent a good hour or so watching the moth. When it seemed that he was settled in and must be back asleep, the boys lost interest in watching him. We kept an eye on the jar on the coffee table the rest of the afternoon.

As the sun went down behind the mountains, we decided the time had come to release our little friend back into the fresh air outside. After all, the thought in our house is.. would you want to be kept away from your family? The boys took him outside the door, and opened the lid to the jar. The little brown moth just sat there. They had to gently coax him out.. showing him that he was no longer trapped. As he flew away, we watched him fly into the bush that we had taken the flower and leaves from. Hmmm.. maybe we had even found the right plant for him after all!

Life learning is not just an educational choice, it is a life style. More than that though, it is not just for kids.. it really is a life long journey.

Busy Living My Life Journey

I have been quite busy with some other projects lately! And here sits my lonely blog of my life, feeling neglected, as I am too busy living life to write about it! LOL

I discovered a new place to hang out, and to showcase my photography! I am loving Redgage! They allow you to share blog posts and links to nifty things you run across, as well as photos and videos. I am just learning to get around the site, but I think I may just be getting the hang of it!

Here's some of my latest uploads:

Our Kitty: Snowshoe

Dreaming At The Window

Snowshoe

Stretch or Sleep

After A Long day...

Life Learning Moth Project

Moth in Mason Jar

Moth Among Leaves

Desert Life

Winter Bush in Front of Pink Clouds

Windswept Clouds at Sunset

December Sunset in the Mohave Desert 01

December Sunset in the Mohave Desert 02

December Sunset in the Mohave Desert 03

Desert Cacti and Flowers

Barrel of Needles

Red Desert Flower

Jumping Cactus

Hummingbird Stop

Miscellaneous

Painted Paleness

Flying Fish

Our gerbil: Midnight

Gerbil Service

Gerbil Sleeping in Burrow

Yup.. Can you say..'busy'? I hope you enjoy them! And if you are interested in signing up at Redgage, you can do so here.

Just Sharing a Great Song!

I have always loved this song! But somehow today it seems so very appropriate..

Walking on Sunshine is SO upbeat and positive.

I think it is funny that the version I have is actually from Radio Disney Pop Dreamers! Talk about a fun bunch of music.. just don't tell anyone I told you. I swear I will deny it!

I remember when Walking on Sunshine came out.. it has always been one of those songs you just want to belt out singing and get up and dance to! It always seems to bring thoughts of skipping to my mind.

I just love music like this!

Okay back to decluttering, cleaning, and packing...

Happy Valentine's Day

I am always amazed at how the original history and reasons we do things simply become lost in tradition, and Valentine's Day is yet another example. The history to it includes the saints named Valentine, and a day of feasting for two of them. Eventually it became a day for lovers to express themselves to each other, and thus we have the traditions of flowers and cards and candy.

I find it very interesting to note that while hand written notes were the tradition going into the 1900s, it was in the middle of the 1900's that the printed card industry took over the holiday, and has continued to become increasingly commercial. It also spread to include any loved ones, including parents and children. This starts to resemble what we know today. I found this clip from Wikipedia...

"Since the 19th century, handwritten notes have given way to mass-produced greeting cards.^[5] The mid-19th century Valentine's Day trade was a harbinger of further commercialized holidays in the United States to follow.^[43]

In the second half of the 20th century, the practice of exchanging cards was extended to all manner of gifts in the United States. Such gifts typically include roses and chocolates packed in a red satin, heart-shaped box. In the 1980s, the diamond industry began to promote Valentine's Day as an occasion for giving jewelry.

The U.S. Greeting Card Association estimates that approximately 190 million valentines are sent each year in the US. Half of those valentines are given to family members other than husband or wife, usually to children. When you include the valentine-exchange cards made in school activities the figure goes up to 1 billion, and teachers become the people receiving the most valentines.^[37] In some North American elementary schools, children decorate classrooms, exchange cards, and are given sweets. The greeting cards of these students sometimes mention what they appreciate about each other.

The rise of Internet popularity at the turn of the millennium is creating new traditions. Millions of people use, every year, digital means of creating and sending Valentine's Day greeting messages such as e-cards, love coupons or printable greeting cards. An estimated 15 million e-valentines were sent in 2010."

Wow! We certainly do know how to spend money, don't we? What ever happened to the heart felt expression of love between two lovers? 

Walking In Sand

Some times in life it feels like we are walking through sand. We feel like we are struggling to get anywhere, and we really are trying. It can be a hopeless feeling.. one that will lead to despair if you let it. Those times when you are putting in all of your effort, and still feel like you are sliding backwards can be so frustrating. 


It seems that when that happens in life, there is always someone else around you that just shakes their head and wonders why you aren't getting anywhere. From their vantage point, it looks easy.. just put one foot in front of the other and keep going. 


As hard as it is, that is exactly what you need to do. Take a deep breath, and keep putting one foot in front of the other. This is not the time to look forward at your goal. This is when you want to be present in THIS moment. Don't let any other moment exist. The only moment that matters is the one that you are in. Focus on just taking that one step. Then focus on taking just the next step. If you start focusing on what you need to do right now, in THIS moment, you will soon find that you have reached more solid footing.


As we went for a walk today, the dirt road turned into sand. We struggled along through it, wondering if we would ever make it to the end. We wondered if it would be better to turn around, but we just kept going.. in the end, we reached more solid footing and went off at our usual pace.

Juicing Time!!!

I love making green juice! It is so nutritious, and sweet! Today's recipe is seeming to be romaine lettuce, red grapes, celery, and parsley.. listed in order of quantity. This is one of our favorites.. although we do vary our leafy greens. 

It can be very important to rotate your leafy greens, or you will end up losing your taste for them, and won't enjoy your juice as much. There is wonderful information about why this happens in Green For Life by Victoria Boutenko. 


Want to know what is even more nutritious then green juice? Green smoothies.. all that good green fiber to help clean out your body and absorb the toxins. Lovely and kid friendly! 


My kids love both green juice and green smoothies! Health and nutrition is truly a family event!

Doing What Is Right

I love days like this.. the kids come together to help each other out. This is homeschooling at it's best. 
The youngest is having some difficulty with addition and subtraction. When the numbers go over five, it gets tough for him. I've been through this before though, my oldest had the same difficulties.. just not a math person. It is wonderful to see her stepping in to help him.. they think the same way, while my middle child and I are very logical and number oriented. My other two children seem lost in the clouds to me, but I can see that they see things through patterns and colors instead of shapes and numbers.


I am always amazed at how different we are within our family. I guess that is why so many people feel like their parents just don't understand them. And why so many parents just don't get their kids. The truth of the matter is simply that our family is like a mini world. We learn to work with the differences within our family, and it teaches us to work with the differences around us in the world. When we can learn to not just recognize the differences within other family members, but see those differences as the special things they are, we start to realize that everyone is special.. that everyone has their own talents and gifts. 


That is one of the reasons why I love homeschooling my children. I love being able to find those gifts and talents within my children, and help them to develop them to their fullest potential. I also love to help them discover the areas they have difficulty in and show them how to work with that. I believe these are important skills to have in life. To know how to recognize your strengths, and use them. And just as importantly, to be able to recognize your weaknesses and deal with them, so they do not hold you back.


I think that any parent can do these things for their children, and I do not believe that you have to homeschool in order to teach these skills. I simply love spending so much time with my children, and love being able to homeschool them. I feel that we are closer because we get to spend so much time together. I also think it is easier to pass along my values, ethics, beliefs, etc. to them this way. 


Homeschooling is not all sunshine and happiness though. In reality, there are two sides, pluses and minuses. There are things that I give up in order to spend this time with them.. but what I give up is my choice. In my mind, I see my children as growing so fast. I would rather give my time to them now, and go back to what I gave up later.. a few years is a short drop in the bucket of life. I am quite happy with my choice, and that is what is most important. 


Everyone should always do what is right for them, not simply what is expected of them. Everyone is an individual. Life is short, and we are made to be happy. Find what is right for you, and go do it!

Luck or Stuck?

Wow! What a day! When it started out, I knew it was going to be good.. 


We were talking about how things were just coming together so easily today, until we got back into the car after shopping and it wouldn't start. It was not a click click, not a slowly dying start sound, just nothing. 


Well, after sitting there trying to figure things out for a little over an hour, we finally got a bit of good news. Have you ever tried to keep three children from panicking when you are stranded 45 minutes away from home? It was a very long hour! 

The good news though.. a mechanic friend called back, made a suggestion, and the car started right up. Something about a micro switch or sensor.. in my words, the car wouldn't start because it didn't know it WAS in park.

So, after shaking off the upset of being stranded, we are back to talking about just how terrific a day today is! 

Life is GOOD!

Filters, Feelings, and Healing

We all see everything we experience in life through our own filters.. our own tinted glasses, if you will. This is why several people watching the same thing will report having seen different things. Please know that I am quite aware that I am seeing these events in my memory through my own filter, and they may be changed from what others would remember for this reason.

It is especially important to realize this when you are working to heal any feelings you have from experiences in your past or even present life. The feelings that you need to heal are the ones you are feeling, and what you are feeling can ONLY come from inside of you. This is one of those times when you have to be careful to avoid the "shoulds". Your feelings are not dependent upon what other people say you SHOULD feel, only what you DO feel. You can not heal what you SHOULD feel; it is not what you ARE feeling. Accept your feelings, own them.. they are truly yours, and there is nothing wrong with them.


When others hear what I have been through in my life, they are often surprised. They say things about me being strong. They give me sympathy. Personally, it is simply my story. There is nothing special about it. It is the past, and I am moving past it and trying to heal whatever parts of me need healing. I am searching for the me I was born to be.. I like that woman and am ready to be her now.

I have done a lot of healing work in different modalities to heal some of the worst feelings I have held.. and discovered that for me life is much like an onion. I am slowly peeling away one layer at a time, only to reveal the next layer. And that is okay too. In fact, I have learned to rejoice in the layers, and be grateful for my wonderful, strong, powerful mind that has protected me and kept me safe from these memories all these years. I am grateful for it's wisdom in knowing when I am ready to handle the next layer.


A day or two ago it did just that. I woke up to a memory that I had not thought about in years.. almost two decades now. It was a memory of something that had happened when I was about seventeen, and in my senior year of high school. It was a memory of something that had happened that I had never been able to make sense out of. Strangely enough it was not a painful memory. I was not overwrought with emotion, just curious. There had to be something in this memory that I was missing.. I had long ago forgiven the people involved. I had forgiven myself for my part in it. It really was in my past.. so why did my mind think it was the piece I was desperately searching for to heal. What made it the "next" most important thing?

I have asked myself these questions over the last couple of days, and just let the thought run in the background while I have gone about my days as usual. Somewhere in the middle of last night it hit me, and when I woke up this morning it all came flooding back to me... I had that missing piece. Who knew that three little words, said by the right person, at just the right time, could change your life? Who knew that one could carry that through decades of time, having it still affect them and not realizing that it was there?

It is important to note that my mom is the most encouraging and supportive person in my life, closely followed by my grandmother. Despite anything else I have been through, I have always had the love of my mother, grandmother, and great grandmother (she died in 1986). I have always had their support and encouragement. I credit my mother for who I am today. I never in a million years have guessed that where I am today would be credited to her as well.. three little words spoken by her.


I was a very caring, but strong willed child. I had made arrangements with my mom's best friend to move in with her. I was being responsible. I thought I would make things easier on my mother. I was going to get a job, and go through the school's work program to be able to spend the last semester working and finishing high school. I had found a trustworthy adult I knew, with a suitable living arrangement.. I would rent the basement rooms from her. I would be independent and self sufficient, and my mother would be independent again also. It was only one semester until I graduated.. I thought I was just doing the normal a touch early. I was always good at that.

When I told my mom the plan, she freaked out. It was horrible. I suppose now, as a mother myself, I understand it a bit better. She said NO. I was a teenager.. I kept pushing. I was certain I could do it. I was certain that I would succeed. She said NO. I tried talking with her best friend to get her help to convince my mom this would be a good thing. She talked to my mom. Mom still said NO, and she said I was no longer allowed to talk with her friend. I remember going over to the friend's house, and being turned away at the door, "I can't talk to you anymore. I'm sorry." I got over this fairly quickly. She was my mother. She knew best. This is the part I had already healed. It was over and done.

Somewhere in the next couple of weeks, she just got tired of me pushing. I could be quite stubborn! This was the missing part. This was what had hit me in the middle of the night. I had been arguing with my mom about being allowed to go see her friend, and I just kept pushing. And that is when it happened.. those three little words that have ruled my life. "I forbid you." She spoke in that deadly quiet voice that is simply absolute. The one where you know your parents are serious, and nothing will change their mind.

Logically, it is easy to see that she forbade me to go see her friend... But, I remember the days that followed. I remember sitting in my room and crying. I remember searching for understanding. How could she take away a trusted friend that I went to for advice? How could she take away my dreams? How could she take away from me this chance to be independent and self sufficient?!

And there it was.. the link. In those emotional days of tears, I linked her words with my thoughts. Spock would be proud at the logical nature I used to get to this conclusion.. In my mind, she had forbidden me to be independent and self sufficient. And that changed and set the tone for my life up until now.

Now, I can see it clearly. Now I know that everything is different. Now I am an adult, and it is time for me to be independent and self sufficient in a way that I thought I was forbidden to be. Life is great!